I want to quiet my mind and find stillness.
But when I try, the incessant chatter is even louder.
No matter how much meditation or mindfulness,
It consumes me.
I am very, very tired to have no control
Over these negative messages
That I keep hearing all the time in my head.
It’s a nightmare, really to feel so overwhelmed
All the time.
I think part of me is still scared of who I am
And this is why there are those voices
Beating me down.
Am I afraid of others judgment?
Am I afraid that I will be persecuted for who I am?
I think the answer is yes.
The shadows of hurts passed are still with me.
I must break free from them if I want to go forward.
But that means I must face those things that have left me scarred,
I must face them, acknowledge the pain
Even if it is sharp and it burns me.
I’ve got to lay down my burden
And look at them clearly so I can move on.
Is that how I need to end this quest?
Is that the key?
To stop running, turn around and stand still
And let that big wave hit me full force.
And I need to stand up, stay on my feet
Strong and decide.
If I want my mind to be in silence again.
The Onyxx
at Lullaby on Daydream Road
http://lullabyondaydreamroad.wordpress.com/
