This morning I would have stayed in bed… My back is hurting pretty bad right now; it’s been like that for days now. At least I kinda slept alright because I found ways to make myself comfortable. So I am not really tired this morning, but from what I can sense dso far, I have no patience and I am annoyed by people around me. Well, at least, this is the last week I am at the program; I will be starting the graphic design course next monday at last. I can’t wait to do it. It’s going to be really different. Yes, the program helped me; it forced me to get out of the apartment, to be around people all the time. I had to find a strengh within myself in order to do so, and I did it. But frankly, I have enough of it; I need a new kind of environnement so I can getto the next step. I just have to be patient a little more, almost there…
In other news, I need to share something to get it out of my mind. I recently received a message from a guy I use to be in high school with. At the time, he creeped me out because he seemed to have a big crush on me and I was feeling like sometimes he was following me in the hallways. On the last day of school I remember him giving me a hug and saying goodbye on the steps of the school. When I read his email (he found me on Facebook) I thought that maybe, since at the time I was finishing high school I was also in a hellish situation where I asked to be placed in a foster home, just maybe I had been harsh with him and had misjudge him. Maybe he just wanted a friend. So anyway I wrote him back thinking that in the spirit of trying to be sociable again that was a good thing. I received a message back from him yesterday. That wasn’t good. He wrote that he regretted not to have insisted on keeping me with him, that he should have kept me in his arms. He used words like “my dearest” and “my beauty”. I was really not feeling comfortable with that but it’s when I read that he was ”longing for me” (I think it is the right translation) the creep factor went waaaay up. I deleted his messages and I blocked him. Obviously I made a mistake in thinking that it was a good thing to get back in contact with him. I just hope that this experience won’t stop me from making efforts to be more sociable and getting back in contact with people.
